So the essence of Twitter is wit. You can see it inserted right there in the middle of the word. I'm sure all those die hard Facebook fans who refuse to switch over or join the twitter-verse do not understand this concept. Twitter for me and the majority of people who I follow is about working through comedic bits, humorous observations, analyzing the absurdity of everyday life, and current events..all of course in 140 characters or less. If you have 15 tweets in one day no one will bat an eye. In fact if they are of considerable wit you will probably gain followers. Try that kind of traffic on Facebook and people will respond negatively. You will be accused of clogging their news feed, which is normally packed full of gems like "afro ninja" and "surprise kitty". A status update is to a tweet what a girl with a nice personality is to an underwear model. I know you "Like" her, but not much to obsess over.
There are two schools of thought when it comes to the hashtag (#). You can follow the rules and "discover" which hashtags or topics are trending and participate with your own addition:
i.e. #TheBestConcertIEverAttended ...New Kids on the Block!!!
Or you can make up your own just to reiterate or further clarify the content of your tweet:
i.e. "If you buy a man shoes he will walk out of your life" #ThingsMyCrazyMotherSays. The previous was an actual tweet containing an actual quote from my mother. I am not sure how excludingspacesinaphrase helps you categorize a topical event or discussion, but some things are left unanswered.
Recently I changed my Twitter handle from the ever popular and hilarious @yourdadsayshi to @gummyblayr. I figured as I grow in my comedic career It makes sense to have at least some part of my name in my handle. R.I.P. @yourdadsayshi.
Be careful with retweeting and favoriting the tweets of others. If you retweet too much people with start to think you yourself have nothing original to say...why wouldn't they just follow the person you are retweeting if they thought what they had to say was so great? Don't over do it. And if you favorite someone's tweets in excess they will not believe you have any taste in what a good tweet is. The favorite star is not the "like" button on Facebook. It is saved for truly exceptional tweets and don't you forget it. If you favorite something it should make you actually "laugh out loud"
There is no doubt that I have replaced drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, and occasionally sex with Twitter. It is more addictive than anything I have ever encountered. At least I am not alone in my addiction. Everytime I see that little blue bird I start to twitch and wonder who has replied to my latest tweet. God have mercy on us all.
*about 2/3 of the previous blog is meant to be satirical
So my boyfriend recently made me re-watch the documentary film "Supersize Me" by Morgan Spurlock, and I am on the healthy food band wagon again. I hate not being able to eat fast food. I count each day I haven't eaten it like a trembling, recovering alcoholic counts the days until their next chip. Passing by the brightly lit signs and watching happy people shove their faces in tv commercials is like seeing you Ex happy and married with perfect children. Some days I just need a fix, and I break. I order just a small fry...just a taste. Then the guilt overwhelms me, and I throw away the remainder of the bag and rock myself into a psychotic frenzy in the fetile position while customers step over my crumpled body on their way to order. Some people say "Just order something healthy...get a salad." Yeah right I can have a greasy delicous burger with bacon, cheese, and extra mayo or some wilted iceburg garnished with grilled chicken, a couple of carrot shreds, and a cherry tomato. Sorry Mrs. Obama, but I was raised in the 80s and 90s and no one but my hippie mother forced vegetables down my throat so as an adult they are the enemy and no one wants them to win. It's just Un-American! I just want to say to all those drive thrus I've driven through, all those speakers I've seduced with my desire laden voice, to those earthbound angels who handed me paper sacks filled with gold through plexiglass windows...I miss you. And yes, I would like fries with that.
Ok kids, so I am sure most of you have heard of this term for people who
enjoy eating and all things food related that has been recently tossed around in abundance...The
"Foodie". A definition of this person would be:
Foodie is an informal
term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was
coined in 1981 by Paul Levy and Ann Barr, who used it in the title of their
1984 book The Official Foodie Handbook. Although the two terms are sometimes
used interchangeably, foodies differ from gourmets in that gourmets are
epicures of refined taste, whereas foodies are amateurs who simply love food
for consumption, study, preparation, and news
Thank God for Wikipedia, anyway back in 2001 I coined
the term "Fatty" and I have never officially written
the book but I here and now claim this term for my own with the following
Unlike the Foodie, a Fatty or Fat kid 4Life (thanks Tyler Cox), is someone who
is not solely interested in being a person of class, couth, or contention in
the realm of edibles. The Fatty is not a food snob, they are just food
obsessed. A Fatty does not have to be acctually "fat" or overweight they just
have the mindset of a person driven by food, attaining it, consuming it, and
finding creative ways to make it even more delicious / fattening.
may recognize a fatty by the following factors:
They see or refer to
food in sexual terms.
They give directions an use food establishments as
They often suffer from "GHS" or Grumpy Hungry Syndrome
have been known to sleep eat, find food in their clothes, pockets, or
They plan their day around meals.
combine and invent knew foods in an effort to satiate their fatty cravings i.e.
a pork rind, bacon, Krispy Kreme, skittle, whip cream pizza.
describe a sandwhich as refreshing or relaxing.
They always eat your
leftovers, even a pizza slice that has been sitting in a FRAT house couch for 2
They steal menus from restaurants to plan for future meals
eating competitions and travel in other fatty packs, like heards of
If you are a Fatty don't be ashamed. Make an effort to mix in
some water between milkshakes and don't pick the veggies off your sandwhich.
Maybe even jog or walk to the fast food establishment closest to you instead of
driving so you don't die of congestive heart failure before you are 30, but
hold your fork high and represent FAT KIDS 4LIFE!